Darkness Come to Light [Iliana]

[Nathaniel Wright]

He'd been wondering how to approach her once he'd learned of her brother and his crime from his father. He had been discussing possibly going to Azkaban to handle him himself, and once he'd heard that familiar last name, Nate couldn't help but ask who he was talking about. He'd never pushed Iliana to talk about her past, figuring it was one of those things you just didn't ever want to talk about, which he knew plenty about. She was the only one who knew about his own situation.

He had learned about her apartment before, but finding it was an entirely different situation. He hadn't exactly tried to find it before or asked her too many weird questions about where it was. He just knew it was in Diagon Alley.

It was still winter break, so Nate had plenty of time to wander the Alley, looking around, trying to picture where she might want to get an apartment, and what kind of place would be okay with a student living in their building unsupervised. He rubbed at the back of his head, letting out a breath, his breath being a little cloud in front of him.

After he finally started asking some of the nearby clerks some questions, he walked up to a door he hoped was hers and knocked on it.

He was going to feel really stupid if she was out and found him knocking on some stranger's door because he never thought it appropriate to ask exactly where her apartment was. When they had dated, he didn't want to pry too much into her life outside of school, and then when they broke up... He felt like such an ass letting that kind of thing get between them, especially now that he knew what it was she was trying to keep buried. Her past didn't change who she was, or who she'd decided to be regardless of it.

But what was he going to say when she opened the door? For once, he hadn't thought that far ahead. He just had felt the urge to come see her after what he'd heard. Realizing he was about to make himself look stupid, he swore a little under his breath, looking around for any kind of excuse for being here...or maybe somewhere to hide.

[Iliana Tsankova]

Ili had left school grounds as quickly as she could once Winter break had come, heading straight for her apartment with Astra and Pika in tow. Aunt Marya would be furious if she left either at the school over the break. She'd settled in and aside from a few shopping trips along Diagon Alley, Ili hadn't bothered to leave her apartment at all. This was normal for her, hiding away during holidays except for the day itself then she would travel to her Uncle and Aunt.

She just needed to prepare herself mentally for it all before she faced them, keeping it all bottled up was harder and harder as she got older but Pet refused to let them see anything more than her at her best. They'd seen her in pieces enough, she had to show them she was okay, even if she wasn't always. Perhaps that was why she'd been able to understand Nate so well, why she'd offered to help and had plans to that end as well. While she was back in France she would discuss the situation with them and see how her family could help.

Family, it was such a strange word and the more often she heard others mention it or complain about it, Ili wanted to scream but then again she reminded herself not every family had been like her own. The knock at her door shocked her out of her introspection and she frowned slightly, no one ever came to her apartment. Setting the mug on her side table she made her way to the door and when she peeked it open just a little, a feather could have knocked her over. "Nate?"

Of all the people she'd ever expected to track her down, he wasn't on the list at least not unless something bad had happened. That line of thought immediately made her heart shift into her throat and she opened the door fully, "What… is everything okay?" The concern was heavy in her voice before she absently shook her head and stepped back some, "Sorry… come in." It didn't even occur to her that she wasn't exactly dressed for company, sitting around in a pair of silk sleeping pants and a tank top with her dark hair piled into a messy bun on top of her head.

It was likely the first time he'd have ever seen her not looking perfect. Closing the door once he was in her concern was still heavy in her tone, " I mean not that I'm upset but… how did you find me?"

[Nathaniel Wright]

Nate looked as she opened the door. Shit, well there went getting away before she saw him. And then there was what she was wearing and the lack of explanation for why he was there, and she'd get to see a side of him that he rarely ever had happen- flustered, "N-No, I-I don't mean to intrude, I..." he stopped as he came back to that lack of explanation, "I don't know how to explain why I'm here, b-but it's cold so I should at least come in I-I guess so you can close the door," he realized, mentally cursing at himself before stepping just inside the door so she could close it but we practically a statue rooted to that spot.

"A-As to how I found you, well, I... remembered you talking about it... and I might have asked around and figured it out from there," he made a face as he realized how that sounded, "I wasn't trying to be weird," he pinched the bridge of his nose, "I... again, I don't really know how to explain why I'm here... I just..." he sighed as he realized he had to be honest, "I heard... about... what happened. My father mentioned a certain someone in Azkaban..." he didn't want to say it directly because he couldn't imagine she still wanted to claim him as kin, "Once I heard... I just felt I had to come see you..." he glanced up at the ceiling like it might help reverse time and undo his stupidity, "I can very much go away."

[Iliana Tsankova]

Ili stood there just sort of staring at him as he stumbled over himself to answer her question about how he'd found her place and shook her head some, "Nate it's fine… I was just curious. You're welcome here." Making her way back into the room her steps slowed when he mentioned why he'd come, Oh… he knew now. She stopped just as she reached her chair and sort of sagged back into it picking up her mug and downing the contents in a single gulp.

Forcing herself to take a breath, Ili couldn't help her eyes staying closed as she swallowed again before finding her voice. "So now you know…" Sighing heavily she unconsciously curled her nails into the cushion of her chair next to her legs, "...and now you know why I would never answer when you asked." It took a few moments before she finally opened her eyes and looked at him, "You won't… tell anyone will you Nate?"

The last thing Ili wanted was that knowledge going around the whole school and while she seriously doubted he would, she wanted to hear him say it, the assurance of him stating it out loud would go a long way. Her tension returned after a moment and she pushed from her chair before making her way over to the wall cabinets that doubled as her 'kitchen' space. Grabbing the Knotgrass Mead bottle out of one and heading back to her chair to refill her mug. If she'd felt like she needed a drink before, it was worse now.

[Nathaniel Wright]

Hearing her reaction made him wish maybe he wasn't so direct for once, but he didn't know how to be anything but at this point. Lying usually only made things worse. He shifted his feet, still standing by the door in case she decided she did want him to leave, though seeing how she was... and was that what he thought it was going into the mug? Maybe he shouldn't...

"I think I've proven I'm fairly good at keeping things that aren't other people's business secret... and I shouldn't have pried, but I wasn't even sure he was related, like a close relation at first, otherwise I wouldn't have asked questions... but my father told me everything since he knew... he knew that I was friends with you," he murmured, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I would never tell anyone anything... even if they tried to get it out of my with techniques that make my father's look tame," he said, more referencing his father being an interrogator than his own experience at his father's hands, though he had gotten pretty good at not giving into him either. He was going to be in trouble for this too, but... he wasn't leaving until he knew she was okay.

He came over towards her, stopping a few steps away, "Are you okay?" he asked her, his voice softer, not in a pitying way, no one wanted pity for these kinds of things, but in a way that was asking her to be as honest as he was.

[Iliana Tsankova]

Refilling the mug she sat the bottle down on the side table and sat back down in her chair with a soft huff of noise. "Of course," came when he spoke explaining why his father had bothered to tell him the story. Though his comment about refusing to tell anyone on pain of torture because that was essentially what a good interrogator was, a torturer. The only difference was they found ways other than physical to get under your skin.

"I appreciate the sentiment but hopefully it doesn't go that far to be honest I'm surprised it hasn't spread all over Hogwarts already." It wasn't like it was hard to look it up, all anyone had to do was dig through articles and find her surname. Anyone who really wanted to cause her no end of pain and stress would have done it in a heartbeat but surprisingly no one had, so Ili had taken that to mean no one hated her that much. She took a sip of her mug and it took a moment before she realized he'd moved away from the door and closer to her when his voice came drawing her out of her own head.

Lifting her gaze up just enough to see his face she shrugged, "Would you be? It will be 8 years on Saturday and it never…" She had to stop herself from pointing out how it never got any easier. It was the main reason she avoided her Uncle and Aunt until Christmas day, she needed the time to pull herself together after being miserable for days. "I still see them on the bad nights, when I close my eyes and if Uncle Seni hadn't been there… I'd have joined them, Alexei meant to kill me too."

The hand holding her mug trembled slightly though she didn't seem to notice, she could still hear him screaming as he'd been taken away about how he had to finish it so the Dark Lord would be pleased. Ili hadn't talked to anyone about it since she'd spent that year in therapy after the fact, even then she knew she wasn't better when it was time to start school but it at least gave her something else to focus on rather than the horror movie that had become her life at 10 years old.

[Nathaniel Wright]

Nate just listened to her, his hand shoved into his pockets as he didn't really know how to respond. He didn't know what that kind of pain was truly like. He'd never experienced anything like it. But he felt he needed to help...somehow.

"I know many people would try and throw out the sentiment of by letting him affect you like, he still wins, but.... this isn't a matter of winning or losing beyond losing everything your future could have been had he never..." he took a deep breath, "What I do know is that," he pointed to the bottle, "Only makes things worse. Because then you feel like crap and you still remember anyways," he said, shaking his head, though he wasn't saying it judgementally, just offering what he could. He'd heard his mother tell him of the types of people who tried to drown their misery and where that landed them in her care.

"But this isn't my pain. This pain belongs to only you. The pain from something like this is different for every person involved... but do they know?" he asked, meaning her aunt and uncle, "If anyone could relate... and help you through it... Wouldn't it be them?"

He let silence sit for a second before asking, "What can I do?"

[Iliana Tsankova]

Iliana was quiet as he spoke, her eyes fixed on the edge of her mug like it might hold the answers she hadn’t been able to find for years. She listened, and though there were no sharp edges to his words, they still hit deep in ways she didn’t expect. Taking another slow sip, more for something to do than anything else, before finally lowering the mug to her lap Ili thought about his words. She wasn’t sure why that mattered, but it did.

Maybe it was because he’d come. Because he’d looked for her. Because he hadn’t run the second the truth came out. “They know. I mean they know the past, I haven't told them how it is now… they've worried enough about me.” She paused there, swallowing thickly before continuing. “Uncle never talks about it, but I know it still haunts him too. And Aunt Marya…she tries so hard to pretend things are normal, but I see it in the way she looks at me or Uncle sometimes. Like she knows what we're not saying and doesn't know how to help.”

Her fingers tapped lightly on the ceramic of her mug, an absent motion she did when deep in thought or anxious, “I usually avoid them until Christmas Day. I need a few days to… I don’t know, fall apart and patch myself back together before I pretend to be okay in front of them? It’s easier for everyone.” The silence stretched, but it wasn’t empty. It was full of things she didn’t know how to say, didn’t trust herself to. Considering his question, Iliana looked at him again. Really looked. What can I do? There was no pity in his face.

Just that steady, quiet presence that had always made her feel like the world wasn’t going to crush her in one breath. “You are doing it already,” she said simply, her voice a little rough now. “You came. You’re still here. That’s more than most.” A beat passed, then she added, almost shyly, “You could… maybe just sit with me? You don’t have to say anything. I’m not really good at talking about this stuff. But it’s easier when I’m not alone.” Her free hand tugged the blanket from the back of her oversized chair, offering the other end with a small, tentative lift of her brows. “There’s room if you want.” It was an invitation, one she hadn’t extended to anyone in a long time.

[Nathaniel Wright]

Nate just listened as she spoke, really trying to understand what she was feeling and going through, giving a little nod. His mom sometimes got that look at him, like she knew something was happening, but Nate wouldn't tell her the truth of it. He took a deep breath as she spoke of wanting to fall apart by herself, also knowing that feeling. She was the only one who had known of what his father had done, but to know she'd gone through this alone? He wished he'd proven to her he was trustworthy with that information.

When she asked him to sit with her, he nodded, totally onboard with that idea anyway. He moved over and sat down on the end of the couch, giving her room. He sat back, putting his hands in his lap, "I'll stay as long as you let me," he murmured, "Even if I don't know what to really say... I agree that it's easier to face the dark when you're not alone in it. You gave me that, so if I can return the favor, I'll gladly do it. I... also don't like the idea of you being alone in such a dark place," he murmured, being his usual honest self, "I guess that's why I came in such a hurry. As soon as I heard.... I just knew I needed to get to you."